“Time is a relentless river and it rages on, respecter of no one.
And the only way to slow time is this: Enter fully into the current moment and the stream of time slows — slows — with the weight of a soul’s full attention.
We slow the torrent by being all here.
Life at its fullest is this sensitive, detonating sphere, and it can be carried only in the hands of the unhurried and reverential—a bubble held in awe.”
~ Ann Voskamp, One Thousand Gifts: A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are
This is one of those rare moments where I type out one of my journal entries. Given the journey that two thousand ten has been, I feel it fitting to do so.
It has been a wonderful last couple of days. I’ve gotten to do so much reading & reflection, so much thinking and prayer, so much relaxation. Quite the way to mark the end of a year. And what a year it has been.
When I look back over the last twelve months – wow. It really is hard to believe. So much pain. I almost walked away from my faith, you know. At least almost lost the core of it anyhow.
Breaking down to the lowest point of me. Well, there was barely any of me left at that point. Barely any strength left, barely any hope.
But, to steal a line from Brave Saint Saturn, my heart still beat. That’s not much, but at the same time, it’s HUGE. It allowed God to finally do the work in my life I’d been avoiding for so long. That I’d been fighting for so long.
Healing.
I never realized how broken I was. Others never realized how broken I was. Only God.
It was like a wound hidden beneath the surface. Until God cut it open and started squeezing, I had no idea there was so much infection festering underneath.
A wound can’t heal until the infection is gone.
And so, bit by bit, He brought things to the surface. Not all at once – the strain of that would have been too much to bear.
But as I was ready, He brought it to the light, then helped me deal with it.
The big stuff at first. The things that, left unhealed, would have prevented further progress. And then the smaller things, although they were not insignificant.
And then, after the healing, growth. Growth like I’ve never seen before, unencumbered by the things of the past that had for so long held me back, tied me down.
What does 2011 hold in store? Who knows? I sure don’t. But I can tell you one thing – I know Who will be guiding each step, each moment, each breath.
It is sure to be a journey that I don’t want to miss.
Blessings to you all on the end of your 2010, and the start of your new two thousand eleven =)